In the words of my lovely sister, I am SUCH a poopy bear right now! Irritated beyond belief and just ready to explode. I think I really just need to go to the quad and let it all out. Scream, shout, rant, and rave. Honestly its the only thing that'll make me feel better.

Some people are just such idiots!

Dear anon,

Just because you can post virtually anything on the internet anonymously doesn't mean you should. Please spare the cyber world with your immaturity and refrain from posting ridiculous insults that you aimlessly hurl around at a desperate attempt to increase your self esteem by lowering those of whom you are jealous of. Kindly censor yourself, you are not accomplishing any of the goals you are setting out to and are just lowering the standards of youth on the internet. People are aware of their flaws, it is a waste of time and energy to point them out repetitively. Stop making us all look bad.

Sincerely,
Rosheen

i'm irritated. i hate realizing something crucial about myself and how i behave, and not being able to change it. i keep falling back into the same patterns of behavior no matter how hard i try to rise above. i know i can be majorly passive-aggressive, especially with people i'm jealous of. i despise the way i act around people i'm jealous of. i turn into a simpering idiot who is overly friendly, and who obsessively lurks every movement the person makes.
i hate the way i act around people i really like. i'm not necessarily a clingy person, but i get very physically clingy, which i honestly can't seem to resist, although i've tried my goddamn hardest. i become a bubbling idiot, trying to be charming, but coming off as a cross between an airhead and a hopeless dork. the result is hardly flattering.

how to make myself stop? smoke copious amounts of weed until my brain finally fucking understands? i don't know. i wish i could go back and erase all the influence that i was surrounded by during my developing years and just be the person i'm supposed to be today. maybe i can achieve that, maybe i shouldn't even bother. maybe the person i am today, with all my fucked up neuroses is more interesting than the person i was supposed to be. maybe the drama that i needlessly create in my mind is more interesting than being a boring, rational individual. i don't know, and i guess i have a lot of soul searching to do.

it's just irritating to notice something obnoxious about yourself, and then watch yourself do it over and over again, without being able to really help it.

you know?

Hows life? Give me detailed answer not just "its good". Any problems? Excited for anything?

Well I hate how my boyfriend lives 80 miles away from me. I don't mind driving down every week or so but it would be nice if I could just kick it with him more often. I'm not going to complain though, its kinda awesome going to SC to see him. Like a mini-vacation every now and then.

School is hard. I had to go back 2 days after I got back from South Africa and I feel like I still haven't really adjusted. Its really hard to get into a good student mentality when your brain is convinced its still summer.

I'm super excited for October. I'm definitely either going to HARD Haunted Mansion or Kaskade. Probably HARD, because the line up is pretty fucking orgasmic.

What else? It's super lame that Love Fest was cancelled, the city of SF needs to pull their heads out of their asses.

That's all for now lol.

rawr?

life

i just got back from africa like 5 days ago and already im going back to school full time. well more than full time, i'm taking 17 fucking units. im tired and exhausted and never felt more accomplished in my life. theres so much to say about my trip, but i have to write a huge essay about it for credit so i think i'll just post that bad boy up here when i'm done for anyone who is still interested (formspring lurkers, this is for you).

i'm really very happy with my life right now. i'm on the right path academically, i got to spend a month doing something i love in a country i'm now utterly in love with, and to top it all off, im with the fucking cutest guy in the world :)

all i gotta do now is finish this fucking essay thats been looming over my head all morning.
ps. jetlag is a dirty cunt.

drunk ramble

i never blog on here anymore so i’m going to right now.
hmm what am i going to talk about? how about relationships? and love? and how we relate to each other?
for me a relationship is when two people exchange enough energy with each other that they become in tune with the other person’s vibe. by vibe i mean personality, beliefs, morals, values, looks, likes, dislikes, etc. a relationship can be platonic or romantic, but romantic love doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual and platonic love can be. there are no rules in relationships. to put rules on a relationship is to put it in a box, to restrict it, to force it to follow a set grid and guidelines. the only way to truly have a relationship is to let it do its thing with no rules, no silly labels, or restrictions. if your energy is in sync with someone elses, let it do its thing. the combination is beautiful and shouldn’t be hindered.
i used to believe that people were either friends, friends with benefits, or boyfriend/girlfriend. life has proven me wrong. the lines between don’t exist anywhere but within the oh so rigid rules of society. if we break free of them, we can let our relationships flourish and grow and reach their full potential.
you have shown me this. and although i’m sure you’ll never read this, i want you to know that you are neither my friend, my friend with benefits, or my boyfriend. you are someone who i find comfort in being with. someone who’s energy makes me happy and excited and nervous all at the same time. someone who i’ve grown to understand, and am loving what i’m understanding. you are a pure person who doesn’t give themself enough credit. sure you fuck up, everyone does. thats not important. what’s important is that you are truly a beautiful person and i’m so happy that you’ve decided to share as much of yourself as you have with me. may the relationship between us continue to grow and flourish. <3

oh hey blogger

if anyone is still reading this other than the lovely people who follow my blog, I'd like to take this moment to apologize for being such a lame blogger. I think I'm going to try and force myself to write an entry every day for a month and see how it goes. kinda like a journal, i guess. I may make the more personal posts private, but who knows I may just be scandelous and let my life be out in the open.

i would start right now but i have to go to work in an hour and half and i need a nap.

i kind of

just want to be swept off my feet.

random.

i've been up since 3 and can't sleep.

rawr.

i dont really know you but i admire your confidence so much its redic. i dont have very good confidence and im supperrr jels. advice on how i could change that?

thank you, that means a lot :)
confidence is EVERYTHING. i'm serious. if you're not a confident person, life is like 394082843 times worse for you.
the key to confidence is this: love yourself. just like.. fall in love with yourself. whenever you do something cute or charming or just quirkily you, just let yourself be juiced about it. when people put you down, just be like bitch what are you talking about i'm awesome you just don't know me like that (and thank god they don't, haters don't deserve friends like you). when you hook up with a boy, don't worry about how you look or how good you are, just think: i am one sexy mother fucker and this boy is damn lucky.

and always remember: we all have our self conscious days/moments, just don't wallow in them.

ask away u beezy

what religion to you most closely identify yourself with and why? if you don't identify with one in particular, what are your belief systems and how did they form?

I'm actually not religious at all, I don't believe religion is a positive aspect of this society. On a personal level it can be, but it's been used to manipulate the minds of many and have them readily accept the idea that they have masters and that they must obey. The only masters we have are nature and we are disobeying them every moment of every day.

Although I'm not religious, I am spiritual. I believe in keeping harmony between people and nature. I believe that the unnecessary harm of any creature (plant or animal) by a human being is disgusting and cruel. I try not to harm even the smallest of beings and I truly pains me when they are harmed (don't even TRY to kill a spider around me- I will tackle you). I believe that we are part of a larger network of life, a network our puny human brains can't even begin to fathom. Our only job is to live in peace and we are royally fucking it up.

I also believe we would have world peace if women ran things instead of men. But hey- thats just me.

ask away u beezyy

What is your defininition of beauty, both inner and outer, and how do you think media's portrayl of beauty affects society (women in particular)?

i honestly find NOTHING attractive or desirable about the media's portrayal of beauty. it is unrealistic, unhealthy, and impossible to obtain. it has to be impossible to obtain otherwise the major industries that are basically powered by female insecurity would have no clientele. If women believed that they were truly beautiful exactly the way they were, there would be no cosmetic surgery industry, no cosmetic industry period. I think its sick that they are making money by making women feel ugly.

i think beauty exists in all life and that true beauty (for humans that is) is the acceptance and understanding of that beauty. you don't have to have a perfectly symmetrical face with a small nose, big eyes, 5'7" 115 pound figure to be beautiful. anyone can be beautiful. it's just a matter of finding that beauty within and embracing it.

ask away u beezyy

If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

being able to "jump" through time and space.

ask away u beezyy

than to better yourself or the world around you.

and you can suck my dick because obviously you know nothing about me. i'm going to school to better myself. i read every day to better myself. i'm travelling to fucking africa over the summer to volunteer for a MONTH. how the fuck are YOU benefiting the world around you? dumb bitch.

you don't know shit.

ask away u beezyy

when you were insecure at least you were nice to the people around you. now it seems all you are interested in are looks and partying. although i'm sure you get that a lot. you seem like a smart girl, but clearly the focus is on your social life rather

wow.....find ONE person who doesn't think im nice to the people around me. i dare you. and obviously you've never spent ANY time with me at all because looks and partying are definitely NOT priorities at all in my life. i dont even wear makeup 6 out of 7 days of the week.

ask away u beezyy

Some of your tumblr posts seem to contain products marketed at young adults: camel, chanel, makers mark are the ones I remember. Then you post Banksy's diatribe against commercialism. What is your feeling/relationship to media that seeks you as a consumer

Good question! Finally another good one! Even though it's slightly creeperish.

For me it's basically a catch 22; knowing the truth behind the media and corporate consumerism, and having to live and succeed in that same environment. I'm more than well aware of the exploitation of the general public by these large corporations, and yet other than write long rants about it, I'm pretty much powerless to stop it at this point in my life. My goal in life is to become extremely well versed in law so that if/when the day ever comes for me to "do something about it", nobody can fuck with me. So to speak. But right now, as a 19 year old college undergraduate? There's really nothing I can do to completely avoid being a part of this circus. So for now, I just keep myself as informed as possible and try to avoid going to corrupted chains like Starbucks, Walmart, etc, and do my best to succeed in school.

This is part of the reason I love political artists like Banksy; they DO something. Other than some sporadic blogging and writing, I'm not really artistically gifted enough to really start any kind of media revolution. Which is why any person who decides to make a public statement on a scale that he does has my utmost respect and appreciation.

Feel free to follow up on this in another question or even not anonymously, I love discussing this topic.

ask away u beezyy

who take a chillaxitive... u didnt have any problem answering the masturbation ? which if im not mistaken is about your personal sex life

no its not and its something i have a very strong opinion on. why is it SO socially acceptable for males to masturbate and not females? why is it not a given that i would? because we live in a gender stratified society. and i'm sick of it. girls, whip out those vibrators and go to town.

and its "woah" not "who".

ask away u beezyy

explain a typical day for you in 15 years. if it were to play out the way you imagine it.

wake up around 6:30, kick my sexy boyfriend out of my gorgeous loft (after he's made me coffee), take a quick shower, glam myself up a bit, hop in a cab and head to work at a law firm that i started with a very intelligent old classmate of mine from harvard (with whom i have delicious unresolved sexual tension- which just makes work more interesting), spend the whole day rigorously looking for ways to win whatever case i'm working on, head home, cuddle up by the fire with some leftover work or a good book and some tea, chill out and maybe call my boyfriend back over.

we'll see how it ends up. i'll probably read this in 15 years and laugh my ass off.

ask away u beezyy

would you rather get shot into space for a one way ride through space beyond the known universe on the solo or get only three earthly wishes granted like something humanly possible and no more wishing for more wishes? either way what would you wish for?

this is tough because although I would love nothing more than being shot through space, i don't know if i could do it on the solo. i might go insane.

three wishes, hm?

1.) ok, you know how everyone is pretty much the center of their own universe and how we perceive everything varies on who we are and all of our realities are pretty much completely different? i'd love the ability to be able to get into anyone's mind and see the world through their perspective.

2.) the ability to travel the world with no limitations (ie: money, passports, visas, laws, etc)

3.) a more useful, less primitive brain that can more easily grasp the concepts and ideas of the universe that are so painfully obvious and yet so invisible to us. even some other animals can perceive things that we are completely oblivious to.

ask away u beezyy

ouch

that hurt. a lot. even though i was kinda expecting it.

:(

whatever i'm just gonna sleep it off.

formspring.me

ask away u beezyy http://formspring.me/Rosheen

but the thing i love most is cumming on ur face

suck it bitch.

why can't i get this song out of my head?!

love - borgore.

In your opinion, is marriage a function of the pre-21st century world? Is it dead like chivalry? Or do you think that it is still practical in the modern world?

Excellent question!!! Ah, allow me to bask in the awesomeness of receiving one of my first legitimate questions.

Now for my answer: Human beings are creatures that are incredibly capable of adapting. I think as society changes and evolves, so do our common practices. Chivalry for example, is not so much extinct as it has altered to fit our current lifestyles.

Marriage is similar. Once upon a time people needed the institution of marriage to strengthen family bonds and secure futures. Now, the same type of marriage that was necessary back then, is not working in today's society. Marriage has become such a big deal that it is essentially a life goal for everyone in this society. I believe that instead of being something that we all feel we NEED and must achieve to have status and security, we need to use marriage for what it is intended: to celebrate the unconditional love between two partners. So rarely do two people marry who are truly life partners that I think we need to do away with this ridiculous yearning to get married and just live our lives based on what we really think will make us happy, not what society demands us to think will make us happy. If that makes any sense at all.

ask away u beezyy

i remember u as a really good person, not say ur not one now...but, all of a sudden u grew boobs n u thought that's what made u pretty? U were pretty b4 and still are...but when did u figure out u were gorgeous b4 the bodily parts and makeup?

I've always been really confident about myself in general, maybe not about my looks, but I've never really been too insecure. I think when I started wearing makeup and embracing my cleavage I really started to get more attention from boys and just people in general. It took me a while to realize that it wasn't my boobs or my makeup that made me look the way I am, its what's underneath (as horribly cliché as that sounds). So although I adore my cleavage and have wayyy too much fun with makeup, I try to let my natural beauty shine through more often. Hence the reason why I don't wear makeup everyday.

Also, I think a lot of attractiveness is how you present yourself. If wearing makeup and doing your hair gives you confidence, then you're going to be instantly more sexy.

And just to clarify; it wasn't "all of a sudden i grew boobs n i thought that's what made me pretty". As you grow older, your body matures and so does your face. I think I'm aging nicely, so yes, the older I get the prettier I feel, but thats not to say that I was unhappy with how I looked before I "grew boobs".

I'd also like to think that liking how you look and putting a little more effort into it wouldn't make you less of a really good person.

ask away u beezyy

to everyone who still follows my blog:

just wanna say sorry for posting such nonsense posts lately; my heart hasn't really been into it. i was just recently asked why I decided to blog and this was my answer:

Well I can't really write things down on paper anymore I'm so addicted to typing its ridiculous so it makes it easier for me to keep a track of my life this way. I used to keep it private and make it so only I could read it, but its kind of fun writing for an audience. It makes your narration a lot better and its more fun to read later on when you wanna see what you used to do and think. Plus I keep the more private stuff as separate entries that only I can read. Its super convenient and fun.

Maybe I'm a bit narcissistic, but knowing that people actually read this and are interested in what I have to say drives me to write more. So I'm going to open up my formspring to everyone and anyone who wants to leave me a prompt, or just an interesting thought or opinion to blog about. I need a little kick to get me back on track :)

leave your thoughts/suggestions/comments/prompts here: CLICK

or in a comment, but i disabled anonymous commenting because I have unwanted and obnoxious proof-readers.

alexander mcqueen fall 2010

goddamnit he was my absolute favorite designer of all time.

tanning

so i'm kinda just laying here in my backyard, naked, tanning, and praying to god the neighbors don't see me. im a disgusting shade of pale and this needs to be fixed pronto.

i hope this weekend works out okay. there's a lottt of unnecessary stress about it. :/

i don't really have anything else to say but i'm trying to update more regularly, so yeah.

the end.

ebay

Just ordered this top from ebay, I'm so juiced. I finally figured out how to link paypal to my bank account. Maybe that's not such a good thing... haha. next stop: underwater camera.

catch and release.

I do this thing where I chase and hunt down something or someone that I really want, and then once I get it, I take it for granted. And usually I don't realize it until it's way too late. I'm realizing that I'm taking a lot of things in my life for granted and I just hope its not too late to salvage them.

Let's all make a conscious effort not to take each other or anything in our lives for granted, because as cliché as it sounds, you really don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore.

hair

so natalie totally inspired me. currently dying my hair nutmeg. should be a warm dark brown. we'll see.

update: its a cooler dark brown than i expected but i LOVE it. happy suprise :)

I fucking love Banksy

“People are taking the piss out of you everyday. They butt into your life, take a cheap shot at you and then disappear. They leer at you from tall buildings and make you feel small. They make flippant comments from buses that imply you’re not sexy enough and that all the fun is happening somewhere else. They are on TV making your girlfriend feel inadequate. They have access to the most sophisticated technology the world has ever seen and they bully you with it. They are The Advertisers and they are laughing at you.
You, however, are forbidden to touch them. Trademarks, intellectual property rights and copyright law mean advertisers can say what they like wherever they like with total impunity.
Fuck that. Any advert in a public space that gives you no choice whether you see it or not is yours. It’s yours to take, re-arrange and re-use. You can do whatever you like with it. Asking for permission is like asking to keep a rock someone just threw at your head.
You owe the companies nothing. Less than nothing, you especially don’t owe them any courtesy. They owe you. They have re-arranged the world to put themselves in front of you. They never asked for your permission, don’t even start asking for theirs.”

—

Banksy