valentines day

someone please get taylor swift the FUCK out of my head?

thanks :)

new shoes

went to forever to get pjs and i found these fucking AMAZING dolce & gabbana knock offs. had to buy!

formspring.me

I don't know you very well and have actually spoken less than 10 words with you... but, I wanted to tell you I liked reading your old blog. You have a great narrative tone and a fantastic sense of humor. Keep up the good work; I'm a big fan.

thank you! :)

Ask me anything

ask me anything?

so i just added formspring which is interesting.. i didn't realize how many weird lurkers i had.. lol

anyway someone asked me this question and I think I'm going to have a go at answering it. the question was "do you think the pictures you post on facebook accurately depict your face and body?"

first of all, do you think facebook actually depicts real people accurately at all? It's the internet.. part of the fun is that you can be as wild and ridiculous as you want and it won't really matter because as fascinating as the internet is, it is not real life.

that being said I'd like to say that like many people, I really have no idea how my face actually looks. honestly. I don't know if I'm pretty or if I'm a total unfortunate hag. Its just not something my brain can proccess. On good days I look in the mirror and see a total fucking bombshell with big boobs and gorgeous eyes and perfectly shaped lips. On bad days I see a washed out fat cow with small boring brown eyes and chapped lips and gross acne scars. Most of the time its a weird mixure of both. So you can see how one might be confused.

When it comes to facebook, pictures are two dimensional and while I usually erase maybe the bags under my eyes or the occasion blemish and maybe the tint of the picture (I like them warmer than my photobooth makes them), theres not much I can do to alter them. I don't have photoshop and am hopeless at it anyway. I can fuck with the angle of the camera but thats really pretty much it. I love seeing all the different ways my face can look. I'm sure none of them really look like I do every day, but the fact that I can look like that is exciting to me. I'm passionate about makeup and I'm constantly wanting to change my look. These pictures are a way for me to do that.

As far as my body goes, I'm not retarded, I know I don't have a supermodel body. My boobs are constantly flucuating making them look weird sometimes and I'm definitely not skinny in ANY way shape or form! That being said, I love it. I love my body soooo much and while I do want to get more toned and lose more of my tummy, I'm not too finicky about it. I'm a bit overweight but I think I look healthy. My legs are getting more and more toned by the day and idk I just really don't have very many issues with my body. People who love the way they look are generally more sexy and I'm not saying I think I'm particularly sexy, but thats where those images come from. Thats why I love taking pictures of the angles of my body. And I'm not ashamed of it at all. If it's offensive, delete me as a friend or stop lurking. I promise I won't be offended.

makeup and life.

So you know how people really think objectively and like from different perspectives when they're high and like over analyze and come to insane conclusions? I do that 24/7 when I'm sober now. It's actually a little disorienting and exhausting but I wouldn't ever trade it for thinking the way most people my age think. Having multiple layers of insight on pretty much everything is pretty fucking awesome if you ask me.

Anyway, today I'm going to go blow my last $52 on the Alice in Wonderland Box of Shadows by Urban Decay. It's super limited edition, super gorgeous and super fucking cheap. They give you like.. a bajillion different eyeshadows and two full size pencil liners (their pencil liners = god. Completely smudge proof and water proof. AMAZING) and a mini primer potion. Which is awesome cuz I only have one right now and I'm super anal about using it up cuz those things are damn expensive and more necessary than mascara.

I have a really bad makeup addiction.

Wait, but one last thing, I REALLY need the Shu Uemura winged lashes. AND THEN I'll be complete.

For now.

QUESTION:

Should I dye my hair dark auburn again? I really liked it last time but I want your opinions. If it doesn't let you answer on here, answer on facebook!

click to enlarge

its also kinda the same color as this:

yeah, fuck it, i'm dying it tomorrow.

maroon 5

i've had you so many times but somehow i want more.

reeny reeny reeny.

rules

• no such thing as luck, its just another false perception our brains make.
• no such thing as fate, we can only try to find a path will ultimately end in happiness.
• there really are no rules when it comes to life, even though we feel we need to live by them.

I'm really sick of worrying about what I should do and what I shouldn't. Maybe I should just stop this nonsense and do whatever the fuck I want to do.

Meh another post that only makes sense to me. Sometimes you just gotta type it out..

I'm confused and jealous and feeling creative.

Odd combination, much?

I want to do something to my hair. I can't decide, all I know is it needs some sprucing up. Any ideas?

heh

I found my freshman year school ID and am amazed by how much I've changed.

did I really look like that?!

skiing

today was day one of my epic skiing weekend and it was excellent. i can barely walk, but it was worth it!

i must say though, i got stuck in a FAT patch of ice and my skis went cray-cray and i had to like slide down the side of a black diamond on my ass. which was actually kinda awesome.

the view from the top of the slope was incredible. hopefully tomorrow i can take a better picture.

nocturnal creature

I haven't slept yet and I must say this morning has been fucking awesome in a really cool way. My dad randomly decided it was cool for me to drive his truck (to drop Mireya off at home of course..) and we ended up picking up Julie and just going for the most epic drive ever until 5 in the morning.

So I get home and am inspired to download music and just go INSANE. Um, how have I never realized how fucking amazing dubstep is?!?!? GAH! The song I'm forcing you to listen to on my blog is a dubstep remix of what is probably my favorite song ever.

Yeah and then after I discover the magical amazing world of dubstep I stumble across the work of Banksy. I'm ashamed to say I've been out of the hipster loop when it comes to Banksy but OHMYGOD. HOW HAVE I NOT HOPPED ON THE BANKSY BANDWAGON UNTIL NOW!??!? He = amazing.

So now I'm blogging which is something I thought I was gonna eventually stop doing but I guess not!

I should really go to bed now.. its 9 in the morning..

Rawr.

update?

I haven't really been in the mood to blog lately, but I've been reading all of your lovely blogs that I'm following - you guys are insanely interesting, btw. I have a few random things I want to blog about so here goes.

1.) Strong eyebrows. I absolutely adore androgynous makeup and I decided to give it a go with extremely bold eyebrows. I'm in love with how it looks.

2. Just got back from watching Avatar. Excellent movie! Makes me wish that somehow the indigenous people had defeated the europeans instead of vice-versa. :( Native people are incredible. I'm definitely going on a vision quest journey at one point in my life.

3. The enneagram. I've been speaking to a ton of people about the enneagram and thinking about it even more. Even if you don't buy into typology, you should really give the enneagram a shot. I'll post a video talking all about it in my next entry - it would simply take too much energy to try and write out!

4. So I bought this outrageously cute outfit for my birthday and I never got a chance to wear it!!! It's shameful. I hope some random occasion pops up so I can wear it. It's so damn cute. Champagne colored sequin slip under a sexy long blazer with ankle boot heels. Gah! Excuse me while I go and put it on and roam around the house!

5. I must must MUST have these:

If anyone wants to know these tights are by Pretty Polly, House of Holland.

Ah, sex.

i'm feeling

a lot more peaceful lol. sorry about the erratic posts. i keep putting them up and then feeling like a moron and taking them down.

right now i'm rereading and memorizing the enneagram, which you should really check out if you havent already. and if you don't know what it is, feel free to ask me, julie, emi or chris cheasty. (emi and chris are pretty much enneagram GURUS. I'm so jealous of them..)

but yeah! also you can comment here and i'll def answer any questions you have.

also for your info, i'm a 2 with a 3 wing.

sometimes

i just want to go around and slap everyone that annoys me.

YOU are so FRUSTRATING.

and you'll never read this.

mwhaha.

*slap*

BRING ON

the holidays! two days from now is christmas, then about 5 days later is new years, and then two days after that is my 19th birthday!!!

so juiced.

merry christmas/happy hanukkah!

/happy winter solstice everyone. this time of year isn't even religious its just a pretty awesome change in our seasons. longest nights of the year, bitches! ;)

To Tweet or Not To Tweet?

So I resisted the twitter craze for a really really really long time, but I made an account a week or two ago to lurk this band that I saw that had uploaded a pic of me and posted an experimental tweet, if you will, and now am pretty much getting hooked.

Damnit.

So yeah, follow me, I'll follow you, we can tweet until the dawn breaks.

To be honest, I still don't get how it works completely but its ok.

So yeah, here it is:

TWITTAAA

today

was super emotional for some reason. did not really appreciate that. found out a horrible secret about someone in my family that is still just leaving me reeling (think- desperate housewives status). it just shocked my system. so now everything just feels more intense than it actually is.

frustrating.

WWZ

So I started reading a couple of really interesting books today and World War Z was one of them. It's written in a sort of Cloverfield way, where it takes a fictional event (a zombie pandemic that threatens human existence) and uses "oral reports" from a plethora of different sources to tell a story. Sort of like Rant. Anyway I like keeping quotes from books that I read and thought this might be interesting:

Do you understand economics? I mean big-time, prewar, global capitalism. Do you get how it worked? I don't, and anyone who says they do is full of shit. There are no rules, no scientific absolutes. You win, you lose, it's a total crapshoot. The only rule that ever made sense to me I learned from a history, not an economics, professor at Wharton. "Fear," he used to say, "fear is the most valuable commodity in the universe." That blew me away. "Turn on the TV," he'd say. "What are you seeing? People selling their products? No. People selling the fear of you having to live without their products." Fuckin' A, was he right. Fear of aging, fear of loneliness, fear of poverty, fear of failure. Fear is die most basic emotion we have. Fear is primal.

Fear sells. That was my mantra. "Fear sells."

WORLD WAR Z page 55

BAD ROMANCE

Really couldn't help myself I had to post at least one Gaga video. This was the last song she played and my camera was dead so I just recorded it on my Blackberry (this phone rocks my world, btw). We're in the end around 4:20 and on.

SO GOOD.

AHHHH.

Also, I'm making this my official last post about lady gaga, BUT if you missed the concert and want to see it go to GAGADAILY <--CLICK LINK to watch all the videos of the show. Also as you probably know I've uploaded most of the videos I have from sunday night.

love you guys!

<3

Rundown of Lady Gaga

So last night I went to Lady Gaga at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium and let me tell you, it was a struggle and a half and it was fabulous and a half.

Here is my tale:

So on thursday I decide, you know what? I want to go see fucking Lady Gaga. So I start craigslisting it up and find tickets for $100 each which is actually pretty good. Ticketmaster was selling them for $250-350.

So I buy a printed out ticket and it turns out the guy I bought it from actually scanned hella copies of the ticket h

e sold me and was selling them also and I called him and there was so much drama and finally he just turned off his phone. The thing with the printed ticket was that even if it was scanned the FIRST person to go through with the tic

ket would get in and everyone else with the same barcode would be screwed. So I thought I was screwed. And then another guy sold me 3 hard copy tickets which looked hella legitimate

but when I went to go buy a ticket from Raha's cousin, I realized it was totally fake.

So I took the tickets to the box office and they were like "Yeah we're so sorry but we're going to have to take these, these are 100% f

ake." So we only had one ticket which was legit and an iffy print out ticket. And we needed four tickets.

So Ashling called my dad sobbing and somehow, I'm still not sure how, got him to leave us $300 to buy three more tickets. I couldn't believe it.

So we bought two more tickets from Raha's cousin and then I got a phone call from some chick I had been talking to on craigslist who told me that her friend was actually in the front of the line trying to sell a ticket and that if I bought the ticket he would let me stand with him in the front of the line. I offered him $10 to let me stand with him and he agreed. It was amazing. I was like the 10th person in so I saved everyone the BEST spots ever by standing like a some kind of retarded drunk starfish and not letting anyone come within 3 feet of me. (I was drunk as fuck, which made this all a lot more epic).

So we ended up spending $200 more but we got to pretty much stand with the VIP people and having the time of our lives. It was an amazing concert. The opening band (Semi Precious Weapons) was fabulous, Kid Cudi was amazing, and Lady Gaga was.. well.. Lady Gaga!

OH and while we were in line I was covering us all in makeup and glitter an

d the lead singer of Semi Precious Weapons like LEAPED out of his tour bus and came up to us and was like "OMG you have to let me take a picture of you guys you guys are amazing." And then ignored everyone else who was screaming. So good.

from his twitter:
http://twitpic.com/tixr6

"There is nothing better than fabulous fans doing their makeup in line!"

Death cat?

So I thought (like most of you) that something was wrong with my cat. So today I took her to the vet and he couldn't find anything wrong with her.

What.

The.

Fuck?

They're doing blood tests but they say she's exceptionally healthy for her age.

I know, I can't believe it either. My dad thought she had rabies, for crying out loud.

Oh update on the wisdom teeth: dry socket has healed and pain is low enough so now all I have to take is advil. Looks like I'll be good to go by Gagaday, oops I mean Sunday. ;)

Agh

I'm so sick and tired of hearing about boys. Boys boys boys. Like okay, I understand when we were in high school that was all we had to entertain us, pretty much. But enough is enough!!! I really don't mind occasionally chatting about guys especially if a friend needs my advice or if I actually care about the person who's talking to me, but honestly, this obsession with guys needs to stop. Yes, boys are fun. Yes, it's nice to have a guy to text (or dare I say, sext), and yes crushes are plenty fun. But the world does not revolve around them!!! Do you people even hear yourselves when you're talking??? A lot of girls I know have their entire universes revolving around a guy or just guys in general. What these girls just don't understand is that the guys they are obsessing over care maybe like 1/100 the amount that they do. Probably even less than that. It's harsh, but its true and girls are letting themselves get used over and over because they fail to properly see that.

Have your fun, go for the guy you're interested in, hook up, go out, whatever. Just don't let that be your entire life, for fuck's sake.

GaGa

I'm in love. This woman is fucking awesome. I'm like 90% sure I'm going to her concert on Sunday. I just have to get these stupid people on craigslist to meet up somewhere. I don't mind paying $120 to go see her, honestly I think it's worth it. If you want to come with me, just holla and I'll see if I can get my hands on more tickets.

Seriously people, it's worth it.

percocet rambles.

So I feel like I haven't properly blogged in a very long time. But then what is proper blogging? Who knows. Who cares. My pain meds are totally kicking in so I'm gonna go with it and just rambleee. This may be a totally ridiculous and long entry but its my blog and i'll rant if i wanna.

Oh and hey, anonymous commenter? Suck my dick.

..it's waiting.

Mm the other day it snowed and me and Nilu were late for class and speeeeding down fish ranch road and we saw the most incredible snow up in the hills. I'm talking like, trees covered in snowflakes, people throwing snowballs, the works. Thursday it's supposed to snow again and I'm thinking everyone in this area should take a break from life, grab some hot chocolate and maybe a sled and go up to grizzly peak. Idk snow just makes me really happy.

I want to make cupcakes. Like really cute rainbow cupcakes with little faces on them. Ever since I got my damn wisdom teeth removed I've been craving sugar like a lunatic. It's like they replaced my wisdom teeth with a sugar tooth. Haa ok that was pretty bad. But I want to make cute yummy sugary stuff. Maybe I'll make them as gifts since I have like negative cash (and all the $$ I get - which is like none, I'm hoarding so I can buy myself a herra cute birthday dress).

Wooooo the percocet is fully kicked in. Awesome. Continue to read with caution. hahah. I feel like all drugs just affect me so much more than other people. I have like negative tolerance to everything its so sad. I'm like legitimately high off of one pain killer. *sigh*

So I got my wisdom teeth removed. How did it go? Well let me just say this: wait until your damn teeth start growing in completely before you remove them! They had to shatter my bottom left one cuz it was being "stubborn" and then I got fucking DRY SOCKET. Google it. Shits awful. I sat in Nilu's car all morning just crying from the pain instead of going to class and I went to my doctor today and he shoved something in the socket (really painful procedure, I might add) that tastes like cloves but took away the pain. Thank god.

Oh and only half of my face swelled up so I look like a some kind of chipmunk monster creature. So cute.

Um the Lady GaGa cd is fucking amazing. He a-a-a-te my heart.

I am SO sick of eating food that doesn't require chewing. I had rocky road ice cream today (my fav) and I had to SPIT OUT the almonds. Like what the fuck. I just want a fat juicy garden burger. With fries. And a coke. With a lot of ice. That I can chew the fuck out of. Wahhhh.

So lately I've been bouncing philosophy around with a lot of different people (which is like one of my favorite things to do- ever) and I've realized people aren't as fucking retarded as I had assumed. Idk it's hard for me to write about this kind of stuff because I can't properly articulate my thoughts and it ends up sounding like wacko mumbo jumbo but I'll take another stab at it:

Sometimes it feels like I know more than my brain is capable of processing and I have to take it slow and digest my thoughts chunks at a time instead of all at once like I'd prefer.

Sometimes it feels like my thoughts are so fantastic (as in fantasy-ish) and out there that could be no way that they would be plausible but then I remember what kind of freak weird universe we live in and how no one really knows what the fuck is going on and I let myself go on these brain adventures, if you will.

Sometimes I really believe I'm from many different times and that my last life was way in the future and I specifically chose to be born at this exact time in this exact location so I could watch the fall of the great American empire from within. (I don't actually believe in time so this could be plausible if you think of it abstractly).

I could go on. But I won't, for sake of moving on to the next topic.

Oh so today I was shuffling through my iPod and got so ANNOYED by this obsession this culture has with boys and relationships. Like ok, I'm all for relationships (of all kind), but there IS more to life, ya know. I'm just sick of it. Girls who base their lives around guys (and by that I mean go out of their way when it's at great personal cost) need to take a sec and not obsess over guys and rethink their lives. Seriously I think this obsession is causing women to actually be inferior (or at least put themselves in an inferior position) to men. Which is dumb because WE are actually the ones with the power to choose our mates. Not men. They peacock and put themselves out there so that we can take our time and select which one we want. This is proven by evolutionary biology so shush if you disagree. I just think girls who throw themselves out there continuously are sending guys the wrong message- that they are the choosers. I don't know about you, but I prefer choosing a guy, hunting him down, and then enjoying the spoils of my hunt. I don't want to be someone's prey, thanks. I don't really know how I got here in my rant but I know I'll be posting another blog entry sometime in the near future about this kinda stuff. Hopefully it'll be more cohesive than this ramble.

OKAY. enough ranting. time to pass out.

<3

boots.

i need the sam edelman boots. if you don't know what i'm talking about, lurk them on UO or google them they're insanely popular right now.

i need them. i don't care that every fashion blogger in the world owns them. i dont care that i'm not original for wanting them. all i know is that if i have them, the world will be a better place.

HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYY

BRITNEY SPEARSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No matter what she does, I'll always love herrrr.

Oops I Did It Again was the song that hooked me way back in the day so I thought for her birthday I'd post it for y'all to enjoyyy! ;)

i vow

to go to the gym everyday this month.

excluding christmas of course.

I WILL make it happen!!!

meow

things I want:

• to learn how to shoot a gun
• disco bra ala lady gaga
• christmas!!
• a tattoo.
• my tongue pierced (if only for a little)
• all the sparkley shit in forever21 and urban
• the one piece see-thru lace body suit from AA
• heels heels heels.
• glitter.
• awesome playlists from people as christmas gifts!!!

speechless

she won me over with her two performances on ellen. her interview wasn't bad either.

SPEECHLESS

BAD ROMANCE

long haayuh

I want long hair like now. I don't like extensions and I'm horribly impatient though, so it's kind of a shitty situation. I swear my hair takes ages to grow. It's so unfair. I see boys who grow like... 2 inches every month and here I am with the same length hair as last year. :/ What the hell, man? Rawr.

Dudeee on a totally separate note, I just found out THE BLOODY BEETROOTS are doing HARD LA in april. Who is fucking down to go??!? I am. Let's make it happen.